Teddy Bear Kleptomania
by Doctor Lennon 007
Summary: Batman finally succumbs to his teddy bear kleptomania! Can Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo save the day? Will Batman regain his sanity? Will NASA send a fruit truck to Mars? Will the anonymous channel swimmer ever make it to the Cliffs of Dover? Pure crack! Cowritten with omgringo!
1. Known in higher circles as part 1

**I read the news today, and tucked away in a little fifth-page footnote was the notion that I don't own Batman! Or Mal Evans. Or NASA. Or John Lennon. Or Doctor Who. I was elated - now there are no boundaries!**

**A/N: Cowritten with my wonderful reviewer omgringo! Plus I got a few great ideas from an earlier conversation with Macca40 :0) Thanks guys!**

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><p><strong>omgringo:<strong> How is Batman? Is he safe?

**Doctor Lennon 007:** He's recovering. There's an unexpected side effect that he's got a sudden case of teddy-bear-kleptomania, but we expect that to wear off in time.

**omgringo:** Ooh, I remember when I had a case of that once. It's nasty stuff. Tell him I wish him a swift recovery.

**Doctor Lennon 007:** I would, but he seems to have escaped again. All that's left is his abandoned shock blanket and a note saying, "I have gone to liberate the teddies! You'll never catch me now. Bwahaha -Your Batty Friend."  
>We've got to catch him before he ruins his reputation as crime-FIGHTER, not crime-PERPETRATOR.<p>

**omgringo:** Batman, an evil teddy-napping seed has been planted in his mind! We must stop him at all costs!

**Doctor Lennon 007:** *Steals gigantic fruit delivery truck* Hop in!

**omgringo:** *Pulls on Wellington boots* Adventure!

**Doctor Lennon 007:** *Careens around a corner* "Did I mention that I went to the same driving school John Lennon did?" I add conversationally.

**omgringo:** "Bloody 'eck, is that why there's a mailbox on the windscreen?" I gulp, holding on tight to my fez.

**Doctor Lennon 007:** "Could be. Though it could be the result of a space-time warp of the fifth dimensional aspect of angry-physicist-induced wormholes."

**omgringo:** "Gazuntite!"

**Doctor Lennon 007:** "What? You're the one with the fez! You're supposed to understand the art of the timey-wimey!"  
>Spins a full 360 degrees and keeps driving as if nothing happened.<p>

**omgringo:** "Hey, I'm an avid fan of Time And Relative Dimension In Space alright but when it comes to the lingo I'm as jumbled as a pack of cards! Plus, I'm a 10 girl; this fez is on loan; I'm waiting for my 3-D glasses to arrive."  
>*holds giant fishing net out of passenger window* "We're coming for you, Batty!"<p>

Batman is racing down the street, pushing a metal shopping cart brimming with teddy bears of all shapes, sizes, and colours. He looks back over his shoulder, sees Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo (they're both leaning out their windows of the fruit truck now), and picks up the pace.

**omgringo: ***Pulls out remote with big red button* Ready?

**Doctor Lennon 007: ***Pulls head back in window and eyes remote suspiciously* What does that even do? On second thoughts, I don't want to know. Just press the button!

**omgringo: ***Slams button* Hold on to your pants! *Rocket engines appear from behind the fruit truck and start going* Maximum hyperdrive, activate!

**Doctor Lennon 007: **AAAAAHHHHH! *Fruit truck zooms straight past a startled Batman and flies off into the sky*

**omgringo: **Oh no! I think I bought the extra-strength ones...

The van's built-in radio crackles, and then a male American voice comes out: "Earth to Fruitloopy. Come in, Fruitloopy. You're approaching the atmosphere - do you copy?"

**omgringo: **Hello, this is Fruitloopy. We're looking for a very rich vigilante with a teddy bear fetish. Over.

The guys down at NASA exchange a bemused glance. "We must have misheard them," says one. "They're on the way to Mars, of course they're not after a rich vigilante with a teddy bear fetish!"  
>Another warily says, "Actually . . . ." and points to the telly, which is showing footage of Batman racing through the streets of Gotham with a bunch teddy bears that have been fitted with mechanical bat wings zooming along behind him.<p>

**omgringo: ***I look over to Doctor Lennon 007* Hey, how much oxygen do we have left? *gulps*

**Doctor Lennon 007: ***Whips out oxygen mask from God-knows-where and puts it on* Well, I have plenty . . . what about you? I make a point of coming prepared.

**omgringo: ***Takes out paper bag and starts hyperventilating* I'm good.

**NASA: **"Come in, Fruitloopy . . ."

**Doctor Lennon 007: **"Yes, we're here. What do you want?"

**NASA: **"We've had a minor issue with our calculations . . . you're going to have to make an emergency landing. Quite possibly in the Pacific Ocean . . . that alright?"

**Doctor Lennon 007: **"So long as it's near the equator."

**omgringo: **"Bloody Nasa... how about you concentrate more next time; I haven't even got my swimming costume!"

**NASA:** "You were told to pack one in case of emergency landings . . . ."

**DoctorLennon007:** *pulls out baby blue wetsuit patterned with rubber ducks* "All set!"

**omgringo: **"Why am I forgetting everything today? It must be the worry for Batman!"

Meanwhile back on earth, Batman's house is slowly being filled with stuffed teddy bears. They're literally spilling out the windows of the dining room.

**omgringo: **"We need to get back to Earth, now, before this teddy hoarding goes too far!"

Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo plunge into the Pacific Ocean. As their heads pop out of the tropical waters, they see a channel swimmer treading water a couple of meters away, who looks suspiciously like Mal Evans.

**Channel swimmer: **"Which way to the Cliffs of Dover?"

Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo both point South. The swimmer nods politely and goes on his way. That's when the Batplane, flying overhead, explodes above them, teddy bears that had been formerly crammed inside raining down from the heavens as the plane itself crashes into the ocean about fifty metres away.

Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo both look at each other in horror and gasp. "Batman!" They shout in unison. They swim over hastily and find...

. . . Batman reclining on an inflatable raft painted like palm trees, drinking a cocktail nonchalantly, surrounded by the few teddy bears he could salvage from the wreckage.

"Oh, hello," he says. "Fancy meeting you here!"

Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo exchange an incredulous arched-eyebrow. "Aren't you going to let us onto the raft?"

Batman looks thoughtful for a second. He takes the olive-on-a-toothpick out of his drink and eats it. He chews on the toothpick for a second before replying, "No."

omgringo paddles as best as she can before replying, "Well there's plenty room for the three of us. And, where did you get that cocktail?"

Batman pulls out another from seemingly nowhere, sipping with his pinkie finger extended. "Mr. Cuddles used to be a barman,"

Doctor Lennon 007 makes a mad lunge for the raft, but Batman simply turns on the propeller. "If you get on, I'd have to kick off some of the newly liberated teddy bears!"

Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo gape. "Your inflatable cheapo tourist raft has a propeller?" asks Doctor Lennon 007 incredulously.

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><p><strong>AN: REVIEW! This one may or may not be updated depending on how frequently omgringo and I PM ;0)**


	2. Dare thee not crusade this duckling

Batman nods. "And it also comes with a fully functioning cupholder armrest."

omgringo grumbles, "Lucky," and Doctor Lennon 007 elbows her lightly in the stomach.

"Give it up, Batman! You're sick; surrender your float of face the consequences!"

Batman looks as confused as it is possible to look behind that mask. "I'm pretty sure Alfred would've scheduled me for a checkup if he thought I were ill."

Doctor Lennon 007 looks like she's going to start screaming at Batman while simultaneously treading water (not an easy task, that), but omgringo stops her. "Look!"

omgringo points up to the sky, where something is being parachuted down from the sky. Doctor Lennon 007 lunges for it and grabs the small package, wrapped in brown paper. It has "Care Package" inscribed on it in neat handwriting and red ink.

Carefully holding the box above the water, she unties the brown string and rips off the paper. Batman watches, mildly interested. There's a small audio player tied to the top of a plain, white box. omgringo presses the play button, and NASA's voice comes out of the speaker:

"Hello, Fruitloopy. This is a prerecorded message; we've prepared this for you in case you plunge into the Pacific Ocean due to unforeseen calculations and have to find some way to get back to the mainland because NASA, being an official government organization, has no knowledge of your mission and therefore can't help you. Good luck."

With trembling hands, omgringo and Doctor Lennon 007 open the box to find . . .

...a duck.

"A rubber duck?" omgringo gapes.

Doctor Lennon 007 is shaking with fury, so much so that she almost doesn't spot the string dangling from underneath the bath toy. Attached to that, a little square of cardboard reading "pull me" swinging in the breeze. Batman takes another sip of his drink and casually dusts down his costume while the two writers look at each other and gulp.

"You ready?" Doctor Lennon 007 asks.

omgringo nods, "As I'll ever be." She suddenly grabs onto Batman's cape and clutches it with all her might, as Doctor Lennon 007 tugs on the string and the duck inflates to a gigantic size. The three struggle to clamber onto its back but in the end they succeed and look down at the tiny raft bobbing in the water below.

"Well, in the words of the wonderful Douglas Adams, 'You're never alone with a rubber duck,'" muses Doctor Lennon 007.

"Dastardly cabinet!" shouts Batman. Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo turn to look at him in confusion.

"What . . . never mind," says omgringo.

Batman blinks confusedly. "I don't know what just came over me. Sorry." Then, he does a double take. "Where am I? And why are there hundreds of teddy bears floating in the water around us?"

Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo exchange a joyful high-five.

"Ah, the powers of Douglas Adams . . . ." says Doctor Lennon 007.

"Dastardly cabinet!" screams omgringo.

Batman suddenly gained an authoritative clarity in his eyes. He puffed out his chest. "I think it's high time I got you home, ladies."

omgringo snorted. "Excuse me, Mr Wayne, but I think you'll find WE were the ones who rescued you. Don't you think we can get ourselves back?"

Doctor Lennon 007 slaps omgringo again. "Shush!"

Doctor Lennon 007 suddenly grins mischievously. "So do people say 'dastardly cabinet' every time I say Douglas Adams?"

"Dastardly cabinet!" yells NASA's voice from the audio player.

"What happens when you say it?" Doctor Lennon 007 asks omgringo.

Meanwhile, Batman's having a minor panic attack. "How did you know my secret identity?" he shrieks at omgringo.

omgringo rolls her eyes, "You've got 'property of Bruce Wayne, handsome billionaire,' written on the tag on the back of your bloody cape, you twit!"

Batman gasps and frantically reaches around to tear it off. He looks like a dog chasing its tail.

omgringo then turns to Doctor Lennon 007. She cocks an eyebrow warily. "...Douglas Adams?"

Batman finally manages to rip off his tag. He triumphantly throws it into the ocean. Teddy bears all around us are slowly sinking into the sparkling blue water.

Then, the channel swimmer performs an epic leap out of the water. "Dastardly cabinet!" he yells joyfully as he flies past us. Then he falls back into the water and disappears from view.

omgringo and Doctor Lennon 007 share a confused glance.

"Can we go home now?" asks Batman. He plops down onto the rubber duck.

A loud whoosh escapes the rubber duck as one of the batarangs on his utility belt punctures the gigantic yellow raft.

The two writers look at Batman like he was the mud on the bottom of their shoe. The vigilante knew that, if looks could kill, he'd already be in his casket.

"Are you kidding me!?" Omgringo yelled to nothing in particular, fretting about the giant duck like she had ants in her pants.

Doctor Lennon 007 mumbled, "I only just started feeling dry too," and Batman grips onto the quickly deflating raft with panic as the three submerge into the water once more.

Once the three heads appear on the surface of the water, omgringo turns to Doctor Lennon 007 and asks, "Can I kill him now?"

"Not until we get back to Gotham," replies Doctor Lennon 007. "We might need him. Besides, you'll be able to be more creative once we're back on land." She spits out a mouthful of salt water.

Batman is frantically kicking at the water and slowly sinking, despite his efforts. "My Batman uniform is too heavy!" he sputters. "And I can't swim!"

"Batman can't swim?" asks omgringo incredulously.

"Isn't flying enough?" replies Doctor Lennon 007.

"I am" *cough, sputter* "here, you know," *gag,* says Batman.

"We know!" The two writers shout, then turn back to discuss their dilemma.

"Well what are we going to do with him?" Omgringo asks, shrugging one of Batman's desperate hands from her shoulder. "I'm not getting him out of that ridiculous costume."

"We could try phoning NASA," suggests Doctor Lennon 007 reasonably.

omgringo takes a deep, calming breath. "With what phone do you propose to do so, exactly?"

"Er . . . ." replies Doctor Lennon 007.

"That's what I thought," answers omgringo.

"Or I could just get Alfred to come pick us up in the spare Batplane," offers Batman.

"Aren't you supposed to be drowning?" Omgringo snarls.

Doctor Lennon 007 almost leaps out of the water. "Hold on! Do you think you could do that, Batman."

The vigilante nods, Sure,"

Omgringo makes a noise in her throat, "Well then, how do we go about contacting Alfred?"

"Just telephone Wayne Manor and ask for the butler-at-arms," replies Batman. "He'll know what that means. Then, we just have to wait for him to get here."

"And how long will that take?" asks omgringo.

"I'm not sure. I'd have to know our precise location," replies Batman. "Probably only a couple of hours if he knows how to use the Batplane's supersonic function."

All three went silent for a moment, until Doctor Lennon 007 spoke softly.

"And how do we telephone him without a telephone?"

Omgringo glares at Batman once again with fury filled gaze.

Batman shrugs, which is impressive considering that he's still doggy paddling for dear life.

Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo exchange a frustrated glance. Then, for variety's sake, they glare at the horizon -

Where they see a desert island!

Omgringo almost cries out in relief, hastily paddling forward like a puppy after a ball. Doctor Lennon 007 rushed after her, and behind her, so did Batman.

After twenty strenuous minutes of swimming, the three finally crawled on the warm, white sands of the island. The sun glared down on their backs, quickly drying them off. They gasped and gurgled to get air.

Finally, omgringo squinted at the cluster of palm trees behind them. "I guess we'll have to stay here for a while. Any of you know how to make a telephone out of a coconut?"

Doctor Lennon 007 looks at omgringo strangely. "No . . . I don't know how to make a telephone out of a coconut."

"I once took a class in unusual telephone construction from Lucius Fox, but I didn't absorb much of it," replies Batman absentmindedly.

omgringo and Doctor Lennon 007 both glare at him. omgringo says, "If you don't have anything to say that will get us back to civilization, then don't say anything at all."

The two writers slowly clamber to their feet. It appears that Batman has made himself comfortable in the warm sand, hands behind his head, legs crossed.

Omgringo grumbles, "What are you doing?"

"Sunbathing," the vigilante replies, "gotta work on my tan."

Doctor Lennon 007 points out, "How can you tan with that costume on?"

"Batman always finds a way,"

Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo sigh in unison and start off towards the forest.

Half an hour later:

Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo finally return from the forest, their arms laden with coconuts. The writers drop them on the empty beach.

Then, omgringo has a minor panic attack. "Where's Batman?!"

Doctor Lennon 007 races over to the spot where Batman was sunbathing, omgringo right on her heels. They see a note lying in Batman's place. It says . . .

"Gone to build a tree fort, love Batty xoxo."

Omgringo repeats in confusion, "Tree fort? What's wrong with a simple tree house?" She picks up the note and turns it over. On the other side is a list; it reads:

"Bread, milk, comb for Alred's moustache, eggs,"

She sighs and suddenly Doctor Lennon 007 hears and yelp from somewhere not far from their position. She's off again, omgringo right behind her.

As they clamber through an overgrown path of vines, branches, and large palm leaves, the two writers emerge from the bush and find...

Batman sitting rather ruefully at the foot of a palm tree, one of his legs bent at a rather odd angle.

"My cape doesn't work when it's wet," he explains, shaking out the offending object.

omgringo and Doctor Lennon 007 look up to see a makeshift platform in the tree.

"Oh bloody hell," omgringo approaches with a huff. She turns her head back to Doctor Lennon 007, "I don't suppose you know anything about fixing legs?"

Batman winces as omringo gently begins to scrutinize his leg and poke at it. She mutters something under her breath and wanders back over to Doctor Lennon 007, who is inspecting the platform.

"You know, we could probably signal for help up there," suggests Doctor Lennon 007, pointing at the platform above. "That is, if we build a more secure platform."

"Get Alfred to build it," mutters Batman, grimacing and clutching his broken leg.

omgringo stares at the superhero until he cringes.

"That's a brilliant idea, Bruce," she says, her voice dangerously low, "you're a genius." She turns back to Doctor Lennon 007. "Now can I kill him?"

Doctor Lennon 007 mutters, "I'm seriously beginning to consider that myself but we can't." She prods one of the rickety planks of wood from the platform and grimaces slightly. "There's no way this is going to hold one of us."

Omgringo suddenly hurls a rock from the floor at Batman and it misses by a mile. "This is all your stinkin' fault!" She growls. "You and your bloody teddy bear kleptomania."

Batman cringes and puts his arms over his head. "Why do you want to kill me for giving you the best suggestion yet?"

Doctor Lennon 007 tackles omgringo to prevent her from assaulting Batman with one of the planks. "Why is that such a great suggestion?" she asks, panting.

"Because we wouldn't have to build it!" replies Batman.

"Exactly," says Alfred.

Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo turn their heads to the gentle voice and gasp. There, emerging from the trees, stands Alfred.

"B-But... how!?" Omgringo stutters.

The butler gives a small smile, "The tag Master Wayne ripped from his cloak alerted me of an emergency; I jumped into the Batplane and flew right over."

"The tag?" Doctor Lennon 007 repeats.

"I sewn a tracking device into the fabric not long ago, after Master Bruce's first bout of teddy bear kleptomania."

Doctor Lennon 007's eyes widen. "You mean he's had it more than once!?"

"Oh that doesn't matter right now," omgringo cries, "You mentioned the Batplane, Alfred; do you think you could get us back to civilisation?"

Alfred nods. "Of course, if that's what you would like. Although I personally would love to try my hand at building a tropical signaling platform."

Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo stride straight past Alfred and Batman, heading off to the Batplane. Then they turn around and reluctantly march back.

"Er . . . where's the Batplane?" asks Doctor Lennon 007 tentatively.

"Ah, yes, it's- OOF!" The butler slumps down onto the warm sand with a thud. Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo gasp, watching Batman quickly try to hide one of the stones omgringo threw moments earlier beneath his damp cape, and failing miserably.

"You... You knocked him out!" Omgringo uttered, eyes wide in disbelief. "Why!?"

"We can't leave yet!" The vigilante yells, "we have to build the tree fort!"

Over to her left, omgringo hears Doctor Lennon 007 mutter under her breath, "He's gone mad,"

"He already did that," replies omgringo. "I think before he was even born."

"Well, now we know why he really dresses up like a bat," sighs Doctor Lennon 007.

"It's to keep away the buttersby monsters," pipes up Batman knowledgably.

"I stand corrected," says Doctor Lennon 007

"Well it's a good thing he has that broken leg so he can't wander about." omgringo sighs, trying to wake up Alfred by gently nudging his torso with her foot. "Think of it as self-restraint. Thanks for being so thoughtful, Batty."

Batman mutters something under his breath and giggles.

"I should gather up the coconuts we left behind," Doctor Lennon 007 announces, "We should also probably make a fire before it gets dark."

"Right-o," omgringo agrees.

Doctor Lennon 007 and omgringo hurry down to the beach to grab their coconuts. Suddenly, an explosion rocks the island behind them.

They exchange a horrified glance before turning to see a cloud of fire and smoke rising up behind them.

The two writers run back to Batman. He's crawled over to Alfred and is clutching a bat-shaped remote control with a single button.

He grins fiendishly. "Bet you didn't think of the Batplane's self-destruct, did you, eh?"

"Let me at him; I'll cripple that other leg!" Omgringo yells, pouncing for the rather demented-looking vigilante but being held back by Doctor Lennon 007's strong grip. "He's insane!"

Batman, under the thick mask, has a smug expression. "Oh but you wouldn't do that, would you? After all, I'm the one who saved us."

"Saved us?" Doctor Lennon 007 bellows, "You were the one who started all this!"

"But I contacted Alfred-"

"By accident,"

"And I built us a tree fort," he pointed to the pathetic platform lodged in some tree branches.

"That thing looks like it couldn't even hold one of yours bat boomerangs," omgringo seethes.

"They're called batarangs!" Batman says defensively.

"Guys, guys, break it up!" interposes Doctor Lennon 007, stepping between Batman and omgringo. "I don't want to see a gladiatorial battle."

"Ooh, I would!" exclaims Batman. "Where is it?" He looks around eagerly.

Doctor Lennon 007 facepalms. "I give up."

omgringo darts around her and races toward the beach. Doctor Lennon 007 looks up, startled. "Where are you going?"

"It's a cruise ship!" calls omgringo over her shoulder.

Doctor Lennon 007 rolls her eyes before dashing after her. "Stay put!" She warns Batman.

She finds omgringo frantically jumping and waving at a large cruise ship sailing at a distance from the island. The writer also notices that dotted along the sand are pebbles and stones, spelling out the word: HEL.

"What's 'HEL'?" She asks curiously, waving her arms wildly at the ship for good measure.

Omgringo tries to regain her breath before replying, "I ran out of stones to make the 'P',"

omgringo and Doctor Lennon 007 both stare at the cruise ship as it vanishes over the horizon, closely followed by the setting sun.

"You should've found more stones!" gripes Doctor Lennon 007.

"It's not my fault there weren't any more stones!" replies omgringo.

Doctor Lennon 007 mumbles something under her breath and omgringo rolls her eyes. "In hindsight," she says flatly, "a ship wouldn't be able to see this without a birds-eye view anyway, so this was all rather futile." She kicks one of the stones and begins to wander back to their makeshift camp.

After a few minutes of collecting limbs from trees and bushes, the two writers arrive back at the "camp" to find Batman still clutching his broken leg. Alfred appears to have woken from his brief slumber, rubbing his sore head painfully.

"What now?" asks Doctor Lennon 007, trying to break the ice. It doesn't work - everyone continues to sit (or stand in omgringo's case) in silence. Doctor Lennon 007 clears her throat awkwardly.

"Now," says a voice that sound suspiciously familiar, "I come in and rescue you!" A distinctly unfamiliar face steps out of the brush. Batman drops his leg in surprise.

"I know that voice," muses Doctor Lennon 007.

"You're NASA!" exclaims omgringo. "And wow . . . you look a lot like Tom Cruise."

"I get that a lot," the stranger says humbly, "now let's get you guys home, shall we?"

omgringo suddenly clings to his shirt like a wild animal. "Please! I need to be reunited with bad city traffic and the plumbing system; oh how I've missed it so much!"

The Tom Cruise look-alike glances over at Doctor Lennon 007 in worry. Doctor Lennon 007 sighs, "It's been a long day," and the man nods his head.

"First things first, is anyone injured?"

omgringo loosens her grip and shuffles off a few inches. "Depends what you mean by 'injured'." She mutters.

"Huh?"

She points over to Batman. "He's got a broken leg and quite a broken mind too." She turns to the vigilante and scowls, just to have him stick her tongue back at her.

"Gather round, everyone," says NASA. "If we all link hands, this wrist teleporter" (he holds up his hand to reveal quite an ordinary looking wristwatch) "should teleport us all back to NASA headquarters."

"You even SOUND like Tom Cruise," says Doctor Lennon 007 dazedly. omgringo snaps her fingers in front of Doctor Lennon 007's face, snapping her fellow writer out of her trance.

NASA clears his throat as everyone holds hands. He takes a deep breath and pushes the button on the side of his watch.

Nothing happens.

NASA glares down at his watch and swears under his breath. "Somebody substituted my top-secret NASA teleporter for a normal wristwatch!"

Batman giggles.

Suddenly, omgringo and the caped crusader are brawling it out on the sand.

"I won't just break your other bloody leg, you fool, I'll break your head open and eat the entrails! I'll use your fingers as toothpicks! I'll gouge out your eyes and-" the fuming writer was hoisted from the ground by NASA. She was red in the face and trembling like a teapot at boiling point.

Alfred looked horrified, while Doctor Lennon 007 pressed the vigilante for answers. "Alright Batman, where's the teleporter? And don't get smart with me or I'll let her at you." She stuck out her thumb towards the snarling writer being held back by the Tom Cruise look-a-like.

"I don't know!" cackles Batman.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asks Doctor Lennon 007, leaning into Batman's personal space. Batman leans out, realizes that he's leaned out of his own personal space, and decides to plunge back in.

"The waste disposal system of Gotham works in strange ways," replies Batman.

Doctor Lennon 007 opens her mouth to reply, but instead falls onto Batman, unconscious. Alfred drops the stone he used to knock her out onto the ground disgustedly. "So primitive," sniffs the butler.

NASA and omgringo stand in shocked silence for a moment before the writer shakes off NASA's grip and stalks over to Alfred.

"Whose side are you on here, Jeeves?" She pointed a finger in Batman's direction and growled. "We're all stuck here thanks to him! I suggest you make up your mind whether you want to leave this blasted island alive, or shipped out in a wooden box; the choice is yours, butler."

She stands to her full height and tries to drag Doctor Lennon 007 off Batman with the help of NASA. They lean her against another Palm tree a few inches away.

"I guess we're well and truly stranded now." omgringo sighs, "Does anyone know how to start a fire?"

omgringo

NASA shakes his head. "Not within the scope of my training. Unless you have any rocket fuel . . . ."

omgringo glares at him. He wisely decides to shut up.

"Does anyone have the fireplace key?" asks Alfred.

omgringo growls, "Do you even see a FIREPLACE?"


End file.
